Happy Monday, folks. I will preface this post by saying that it is mostly to keep me accountable, but maybe it’ll inspire some of you to do something you’re afraid of.
Contrary to popular belief, the existence of my blog, and the fact that I was an English writing and lit major in college, I am truly afraid of writing and it is one of the hardest activities for me to do.
And I’m not really talking about my blog anyway. My blog isn’t somewhere that I strive to find the perfect first sentence that will immediately draw my reader in. It’s not the place I string together a bunch of nuanced details to create a story that is entirely original and intriguing. It’s really just a place to share my musings and thoughts with the world. It’s not necessarily the place where I work on my craft.
Truthfully, I haven’t written anything since graduating. Not one single short story, not one poem, not even a creative sentence. I’ve written a blog post here and there, but I haven’t actually sat down to really create something.
My poor professors will probably read the above paragraph and absolutely cringe. I can practically hear them yelling at me from Poughkeepsie. I’m sorry!!! I know, it’s blasphemous!!!
I’ve been making excuses to not sit down and write. Stupid excuses. “I have to get adjusted to my job,” or “I’m just too tired,” or “There’s too much to do.”
But, like I said, those are merely excuses. The real, honest reason I haven’t sat down to at least attempt to write something creative (or really, anything at all) is that I am scared.
I am scared of the dreaded writer’s block. I am scared of sounding cliche. I am scared of not having anything important to write or say. I am scared of being unoriginal. I am scared of disappointing my professors who worked so hard to teach me all about writing. I am scared of rejection (if I ever even attempt to submit anything I write, ever). And I am scared of disappointing me.
But recently, I’ve just had this little, nagging feeling in the back of my mind that’s telling me I am wasting my degree, I am wasting my professor’s time, and quite frankly, I am wasting my talent because I know I can write well. I’m no Shakespeare or J.K. Rowling or David Sedaris or Ron Carlson, but I have the skills to write something that is intriguing and interesting and that people would probably want to read if I just did the damn thing already!!!
And the only way for me to improve my skills is to actually sit down and write. No, I no longer have to sit down and write because I have an assignment due. But, I do want to sit down and write because as much as I am afraid of it and as hard as it can be at times, it is truly something I love to do–and once I get going, I remember why I majored in it. I remember why I was so happy to earn my degree in English writing and lit.
So, by publicly publishing my goal to sit down at least once a week to write something, anything, I am hoping to hold myself accountable. I might even be really bold and post what I write (feedback is ALWAYS welcome, by the way).
So, please feel free to ask me once a week if I’ve written yet. If I say no, also please feel free to yell at me. Here’s to doing the damn thing!!!
TESS CARCALDI 