Escaping the Blogging Comfort Zone: My Goals for that girl with glasses
Published February 1, 2019
In my last blog post, I talked about how we should use 2019 as a way to finally escape the comfort zone in order to chase the dreams we’ve created in our heads about what we want to be and what we want to do. I fully believe in this goal and want this goal for myself and for others.
But what does leaving the comfort zone mean for me? This is something I’ve been considering the last few days. As an introvert with a tendency to be shy and to censor myself around others, leaving my comfort zone means embracing the outgoing qualities I know I have, embracing the quirks of my personality, and being unafraid to express my true opinion, even when it differs from someone else’s.
While I want to start integrating this into my reality, I also want to do this with my blog. So often, other bloggers say that to be successful, you need to find your niche. Your niche could be travel, lifestyle, relationships, food, etc. Since starting my blog, I’ve changed it to try to fit a million different niches like travel to college life to inspirational posts. But at the end of the day, I like to write about everything. I love writing inspirational posts that help me set goals for myself and for others. But I also really love writing about my travel experiences and my relationships with myself, my family, my friends, and my boyfriend. And I also love writing about college as I feel my college experience has been less than typical.
So, what is a girl to do when she loves to write about everything but is told to find one niche?!
She goes against the grain and just writes whatever the hell she wants.
So, that’s my first goal for my blog. I’m not going to narrow myself into one category of blogging just because so many others do. I love writing about life. So that’s what you’ll find here on that girl with glasses. At the end of the day, I’m an awkward English major with a passion for writing and sharing her wacky life experiences with others through the written word in the hopes of connecting with others as well as allowing for my own emotional expression. And whether that life experience has to do with relationships, college, food, travel, or mental health–so be it.
My second goal for my blog is to stop censoring myself. Every week, I think of dozens of different blog ideas. But with each one, I say, “No, I can’t write about that because it might upset someone” or “No one would want to read that” or “People will judge me if I take this stance or post about this.” And yet, this is my blog. No one else owns it or creates in this space. This is my space to express myself creatively, and if there’s a topic I feel strongly about, I shouldn’t shy away from writing about it because of what someone else might think. So, I’ll say this: in the future, if you don’t like what I’m writing about, feel free to press the unfollow button! I’m writing for the benefit of others, of course, but at the end of the day, I’m writing for my own good as well. It’s a way for me to express my emotions in a creative outlet. And if you don’t like it, then adios!
My third and final goal (for now) for this blog is to simply be an online portfolio of writing. I am always open to constructive criticism (emphasis on constructive!). If you think there’s an idea I can expand upon, or different topics you think I should write about, please feel free to tell me! I am always looking for new ways to improve my writing since this is something I want to pursue post-grad. But, if your criticism won’t be constructive and just aims to knock me down a peg, that’s when I say press the unfollow button. (Also, totally not saying I’ve experienced this yet as I’ve received nothing but positive reviews and comments since committing to this blog, but just iterating the difference between what I’m looking for in this space versus what I am not.)
So, there you have it: my goals for my blog that will help me leave the comfort zone both in this space and in reality. With all of this being said, please enjoy my future uncensored blog posts about life. Feel free to comment/message/email me a piece of advice, any constructive criticism you may have, and of course, any blog ideas you’re wanting to see! While I have a ton of my own, I love receiving ideas about what people want to read, and of course, feedback from others.
Peace, peeps!
xoxo, that girl with glasses
2019 Is Your Year to Get Out of the Comfort Zone
Published January 25, 2019
Ah, the comfort zone. We love the comfort zone. To put it bluntly, it’s comfortable–it’s what we know well and what we know we are capable of handling. We feel at peace living in our monotonous routines, and generally, we try to avoid anything and anyone who gives us those unwelcome angry butterflies that flip our stomach upside down.
We fear the feeling of fear. Or, at least I do. The comfort zone is safe–it’s the places, people, things, and experiences we know and love. It’s a place to daydream about our potentials and the lives we could live if we were to leave the comfort zone, but that’s what makes daydreaming so great: we don’t have to experience the fear or the discomfort of achieving our goals and dreams if we are merely dreaming about what our lives could be and what we could be. We get the hope without the fear and anxiety, so we remain in our comfort zone.
But what if we left the comfort zone? What if we took those first few scary steps into our dreams? What if we followed the unknown path that would eventually lead us to be the best version of ourselves?
I’ll tell you what will happen: your dreams can become a reality. The person you’ve dreamed of being can become a reality. You can embody everything you’ve always dreamed of when you take those first steps out of the comfort zone and never look back.
Right now is the perfect time to do it. 2019 has merely just begun, and we have a whole year ahead of us. 2019 is the year to take a deep breath and finally leave the comfort zone so we can start heading down the path to becoming our best selves. There’s nothing like a clean slate to get a fresh perspective on what you want and who you want to be.
Leaving the comfort zone in 2019 can be as little as saying yes to a new experience when you would usually stay at home, or as big as finally starting the business you’ve always wanted to own. But whatever leaving the comfort zone means to you in 2019, remember you cannot prevail without travail. Leaving the comfort zone means you are no longer in your perfect daydream; things may go wrong, but that’s okay. The journey to who you want to be and to what you want to do will be so worthwhile in the end when you can look back at your tiny comfort zone way back at your starting point from all the way up top and say, “I did it.”
So, do this with me: take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Remember all the daydreams you’ve had for yourself while in your comfort zone. Focus on what you want to do and who you want to be. Thank your comfort zone for giving you the peace you needed to realize your full potential. And finally, put one foot in front of the other and never look back as you journey down the path to the best you in 2019.
You Don’t Need Permission to Live Your Life
Published January 8, 2019
The other day, I was about to make a life decision when this thought suddenly entered my mind: Should I tell so-and-so first that I’m going to do this?
Immediately, I mentally slapped myself and re-thought, Absolutely not!
It’s hard to make decisions without thinking about how other people might react. What will they say? What will they do? We fear we will anger or upset others with our decisions.
But at what expense? Our own happiness.
We were given one life to live. One life to make our own. One life to live on our own terms. To choose the path we want our life to take. If we are living by the terms of everyone else, then we aren’t really living our own lives. That’s just called existing.
When we make a decision, that’s our own decision to make. It’s a decision we make based on our own lives and what would be best for us. Those who truly love us will always support the decisions that will bring us happiness, success, and prosperity. If you’re constantly worrying about what someone might say about a decision you’re going to make, then maybe it’s not the decisions that you should be re-evaluating.
Of course, there are decisions that will blatantly harm us if we choose them. But most of the time, those decisions are obvious.
In short, we don’t need permission to live our lives. The only person who needs to give us permission is us (unless, of course, you’re still under eighteen, but that’s a blog post for another day).
Here’s to living on our own terms and to continuing to mentally slap ourselves when we forget we don’t need permission to live our lives until we never question ourselves again.
How to Conquer the New Year and Uphold Your Resolutions
Published January 3, 2019
New Year’s resolutions have quickly become a running joke in the world as people make them and then fail to follow through the rest of the year.
But I am a firm believer that New Year’s resolutions can be fulfilled when two things happen:
- You leave the past in the past.
- You make resolutions that are realistic.
The whole point of the New Year is to start out with a clean slate. The hurt and mistakes of the past should remain in the past, as long as they have been resolved. If you have forgiven others and forgiven yourself for being human, then leave that in the past. When you bring your past into the future, you’re only going to end up hurting yourself and others once more. The New Year is a time to start fresh and continue working on being the best you that you can be by learning from the past, not continuing to relive it and bring it up again and again.
So, step one is to leave the past in the past and start living for the present. In my opinion, life is much more manageable when you take it day by day.
Step two is to be realistic about our resolutions. If you know you’re not going to have the motivation to wake up before work or school and go to the gym for an hour the entire year, then don’t make that your resolution. If you know you’re going to be miserable by making your resolution to be more productive in the morning when you’re so not a morning person, then (again) don’t make that your resolution.
It’s important to be realistic about what we know we can achieve. That way, it can be something we can work on the entire year and not feel like a failure when we give up on our resolution in February.
That being said, a resolution doesn’t have to be a huge change. It can be a simple change. If you want to be more active, then start by walking instead of laying on the couch on your phone when you want a break from your work. It’s a great way to get extra steps in (where my FitBit lovers at) and to clear your head before your next assignment. If you want to be more of a morning person, wake up five minutes earlier than you normally would each month. By the end of the year, you’ll be waking up an hour earlier than you did in the past year.
Making a New Year’s resolution doesn’t have to be a joke or an unattainable goal. It can be a small change that improves our lives just that little bit more. Plus, when you accomplish a goal throughout the entire year, it makes you feel pretty good!
So, here’s to leaving the past in the past and setting realistic resolutions. What are your goals for 2019?
Why You Should Own Your Insecurities
Published November 14, 2018
Everybody has insecurities. Nobody is 100% confident at all times (if you are, I applaud you). We all have days where we let our insecurities get the best of us. And that’s OK, as long as you know your worth.
But it gets tough when you don’t know your worth. When you don’t know your worth, you let your insecurities run your life instead of owning your insecurities as part of who you are. And when you feel worthless, people can use that against you.
There are just some people in this world who get joy out of pointing out your insecurities to you and making them negative for you. Some people who feel extremely insecure think they’ll feel better if they can make other people worthless. Obviously, these are not the kind of people you want or need in your life, but sometimes they are hard to avoid.
Here’s a trick I learned: when you own your insecurities and lay your vulnerabilities out on the table as simply a part of who you are, there is nothing or nobody who can use them against you. By owning your insecurities and proudly displaying them to others, you say to the world that not only are you comfortable and proud of who you are despite the things you’ve been through, but you’re powerful enough to never let someone else make you feel inferior because you know your worth.
I know it’s hard to put ourselves and the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves out there, so I’ll start. Some days, I feel lonely because I’m away from my family, my best friends, and my boyfriend. But most days, I feel comfortable being in the presence of myself and know that the distance between me and my loved ones does not make our relationships any less real or deep. Some days, I’m not super happy with the way I look. But most days, I love the skin I’m in and feel comfortable going out in sweats, natural hair, and no makeup. Some days, I think I can be doing more to get myself ahead when I compare myself to my peers. But most days, I’m pretty damn proud of how hard I work toward everything I do. And some days, I feel like I’m not following the same path as others, and that makes me feel insecure. But most days, I’m more than happy to do my own thing and pave my own way–to lead, not to follow.
So here’s to putting out the most vulnerable parts of ourselves out there because they do not own us–we own them. Here’s to telling those small-minded people that they no longer hold any power over us–we hold the power, and we know our worth despite any insecure days we may have.
“No one can make you feel inferior withour your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
Why Self-Care is So Important
Published November 10, 2018
If you knew me two years ago, you’d know that I didn’t know what the phrase “self-care” meant. Two years ago, I was sleeping an average of 4 hours per night; my meals were on-the-go and definitely not nutritious; my body was flooded with coffee and never water; I said “yes” to everything, even if I was already busy and overwhelmed; and I was completely and utterly stressed out 24/7.
In short, I was a mess.
But, during my junior year, I studied abroad in the magical Florence, Italy, and everything changed for me. It’s like a completely different universe over there. In the States, the motto is “go, go, go.” If you’re not constantly looking ahead to the future and thinking about everything that you could be doing in the present to get you there, then you’re doing it wrong. And that’s the way I’ve always lived: I’ve lived for the future and what I can constantly be doing to get myself there, never slowing down to enjoy the small moments in the present or to take care of myself.
But in Italy, the motto is completely different; they’re more like “stop and smell the flowers all day” kind of folks. The Italian people know how to live in the present and enjoy what’s currently going on, rather than worrying about what will happen next. They know how to relax and remain relaxed throughout the day. And when this American student who was beyond stressed out traveled overseas, she learned the magic of staying present and taking care of herself.
Since going abroad, I have brought back living in the present with me. I now try to live in the moment rather than worrying about what might possibly happen. I try to listen to my body when it’s telling me to slow down. And this, in my opinion, is self-care. It’s knowing when to slow down and take a moment to breathe and be present. It’s doing things that make you happy and doing what you need to do for yourself, not what others think you should be doing.
Ever since learning to practice self-care, my anxiety has eased, my health has been better than ever, and I have been happy. If you’re wondering how to get started in practicing your own self-care, here are a few ways that I like to do it myself:
- Make sure you sleep at least 7 to 8 hours each night. This gives your body time to heal itself from a long day and will allow you to wake up and feel ready to take on the next day.
- Drink lots of water. I know everyone says this, but it really makes a difference, especially for me. If I don’t drink enough water, I get massive headaches, so making sure I’m hydrated is important for me and for everyone! Drinking water also helps to heal that dry, wintery skin that’s currently plaguing the public, as well as reduce acne. My tip is to buy a pretty reusable water bottle so you’re more inspired to drink out of it.
- Fuel your body right. This means breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus snacks when you’re hungry. I am a firm believer that a hearty breakfast sets the tone for the rest of the day, so I make sure to eat either eggs or a thick bowl of overnight oats in the morning. I’ve also been making sure that I’m eating meals packed with fruits and veggies to leave me feeling healthy, happy, and full.
- Get your body moving a few hours per week. I have never been a fan of the gym, but I love to dance, so for a few hours each week, I take dance classes to get my body moving and to get my endorphins level high. Not only will this make you heart-healthy, but it will make you feel energized and happy. If you hate the gym like me, try dance, Zumba, or yoga (one of my new favorites).
- If you’re feeling run down or sick, rest. I have found it particularly hard in college to rest when you’re feeling ill. Class and homework doesn’t stop because you are sick, and there’s the constant pressure to go out that makes it difficult to stay home and rest. But, your body will thank you if you take the time you need to slow down and rest when you’re sick. If you keep going, your health will only get worse.
- Say “no” to things you don’t want to do or don’t have time for. If you know in your heart that you don’t want to do something, then say no. People will try to convince you otherwise, but hold your ground. It’s better to say no and be happy than to say yes and be miserable.
- Say “yes” to things you do want to do–even if you may be cutting time a little close. If you have a lot of assignments due, but you’ve been working all day and a friend wants to grab dinner, then say yes if you want to go to dinner. It’ll give you a break and allow you to feel some happiness in letting yourself live.
- Do something you love every day. Make a big cup of tea before bed. Have a nice cup of coffee in the morning. Listen to your favorite song on your way to class. Put on a face mask before bed. Read a book. Watch an episode on Netflix. Write in a gratitude journal. Do something each day that both puts you in a good mood and allows you to relax. I like to do one thing in the morning to start my day off, and one thing at night to end the day on a positive, relaxed note.
- Wake up early enough so you’re not rushing around in the morning. I used to wake up with just enough time to scramble out of bed, throw on some clothes, and run out the door with a granola bar in my hand. Now, I like to get up early enough to leisurely make my way out of bed, cook myself a good breakfast, sit down and enjoy it, and finish getting ready with plenty of time. If I start my day rushed and in a panic, my day will continue to feel rushed. Even if you start by giving yourself an extra 15 minutes, it will make all the difference.
- Realize you are human and forgive yourself. I shouldn’t have to tell you, but nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Some days, we are more productive than others. Some days, we make decisions that make ourselves happy but disappoint others. My best advice is to forgive yourself. At the end of the day, these are small issues that don’t matter in the grand scheme of life. Forgive yourself and move on with a positive mindset for the next day because tomorrow is always a new day. As long as you are content with the fact that we are humans and we are flawed, you will be able to go about your day without any regrets.
These are just some of my favorite self-care tips that I’ve been practicing for some time now. I’ve seen a huge change in my health, my habits, and my daily routine–all for the better. I stress less about my responsibilities because I know in the end I will get more done if I am relaxed and happy. I encourage you all, especially you on-the-go-people, to start practicing self-care if you haven’t already. And if you have any other self-care tips, I would love to hear them!
#NofilterNovember
Published November 1, 2018
Instagram is a photosharing app that everybody knows and loves. We love mindless scrolling, liking photos of our friends and our favorite celebrities, and posting about what we’ve been up to on our feeds and our stories.
But lately, Instagram has become so much more than a social media app meant for pure fun. It’s become an app of validation and of displaying perfection. Dozens of filters are put on photos to make them look completely different than what they originally looked like. “Candid” photos are actually incredibly posed. Certain angles are used to take photos to hide our flaws and make ourselves appear thinner or more angular than we actually are. Every photo displays a perfect smile with perfect friends and family.
“Friends” comment on photos about how beautiful we are or how amazing our captions are–captions that people thought about for hours and asked about ten different people if it was a good caption. There are specific times of day where more people are likely to see your photo and like your photo, resulting in a higher amount of likes (because we all know triple digits or higher is “totally what we need”), so people wait to post a photo until that time in order to receive the most likes possible. As for photos that display us naturally laughing or living as we do each and every day, or displaying emotions other than complete and utter happiness, those are a complete no-go–absolutely no signs that we are flawed human beings can be posted on Instagram.
Do you see how silly this all sounds? I feel silly just having to write about it. It’s nothing more than a social media app on our phones. It shouldn’t be anything to worry about; it’s supposed to be for fun and to keep in touch with family and friends.
But, Instagram has become a very sinister place for some people. The amount of likes on photos has become a source of validation for the person posting it; likes equates to how many people like you as a person or consider you beautiful. People message their friends asking them for likes in order to get more. If someone doesn’t like your photo, it must mean they hate you. Again, all of this sounds ridiculous because it’s just an app.
However, because of the high standards of beauty and perfection displayed on every photo, people post that they’re quitting Instagram because they can’t stop comparing themselves to others who seem to have the perfect life; they aren’t able to achieve the unachievable, fake standards posted on Instagram.
Since people’s mental health is suffering as a result of a mere app, I think it’s time that society rethinks what Instagram really should be.
Instagram should simply be a place to post photos because we like them, not because we think other people will like them. We should post ourselves unedited, unfiltered, exactly as who we are. We should only follow people we want to follow, not because everyone else follows them. We should comment on people’s photos not because we feel obligated and want other people to comment on our photos, but because we genuinely feel like we want to comment. We should post when we want to post, not when other people will be on Instagram. We should represent ourselves on Instagram as we are in real life: naturally beautiful, unedited, unfiltered, flawed, and human.
That’s why for the month of November, I will be participating in #nofilterNovember. All of my photos posted will be unedited and unfiltered, and will capture me as I am and the rest of the world as how I see it.
Let’s bring back some authenticity to Instagram. Who’s with me?
Learn to Say “No” and Regain Possession of Your Life
Published October 28, 2018
I recently was scrolling through Facebook and saw this video pop up on my timeline. In the video, pop sensation Lady Gaga discusses her journey with mental health and how she was able to find herself amidst the chaos of Hollywood and the darkness that once dominated her mind. She realized that one of the most important facts that someone must come to acknowledge is that “part of [our identities] is saying ‘no’ to things [we] don’t want to do.”
We become so wrapped up in what everybody else is doing that we feel we should also be doing those things. It can be as simple as deciding to go out on a Friday night because everybody else is, or as difficult as choosing not to be with the person you love because everyone tells you that you shouldn’t be together. We have learned to say “yes” to everything we don’t want to do because we don’t want to let others down.
Newsflash: someone is always going to be miserable as a result of your decisions. But the person who should never be miserable as a result of your decisions is you.
You become miserable when you grow afraid of the word “no.” Always saying “yes” means always saying “yes” to what someone else wants you to do with your life. When we say “yes” to things that we don’t want to do, we begin to feel that little anxiety monster twist up our stomachs and poison our minds. With every “yes,” that monster grows stronger and stronger until one day, you have no idea who you are. Your only purpose now is to live for what others want you to do. And that is truly a miserable life.
But the greatest part about life is that we don’t have to be miserable. As much as we have learned to grow afraid of “no” and grow comfortable with “yes,” it is also completely possible to tell “yes” who’s boss and embrace “no.” By telling “yes” who is boss, we also tell the other people in our lives that we get to choose which path our life takes–not them.
As Lady Gaga says, “It is your right to choose what you do and don’t do.” This is your life, not somebody else’s. You are the key to your own happiness and success. You are the only vessel in your life that gets to decide what you do. You can’t live your life worrying what others are going to say or think about your decisions because at the end of the day, the ones who truly love you and care about your happiness will support any decision you make. And those who question you and fight you? Forget about them. When you’re living your best life on your own terms, their crappy attitude won’t even matter.
“It is your right to curate your life.” -Lady Gaga
How I Rediscovered My Happiness
Published October 10, 2018
Expressing my feelings adequately has never been one of my strong suits.
That’s why I prefer to write; it’s easier for me to formulate my feelings into written words and descriptions that will actually convey how I feel on a day-to-day basis rather than attempt to verbally string together the words and end up sounding like an idiot.
So to accurately tell you how I feel each and every day, I’ve decided to describe to you the weather.
Most days, I wake up and the horizon is clear. It stretches out before me into a sea of beautiful pale blue, reaching into the endless depths of the universe, teeming with opportunities.
The sun shines brightly, rays wrapping me in an embrace and helping to pull me through the day, making me feel warm and happy with each passing hour. It seems as if the world is in my hands and that it is mine to conquer. I am confident, I am strong, but most of all, I am happy.
But there are some days where I wake up and I cannot see the sun, nor can I remember what the sun ever even looked or felt like. It has seemingly disappeared forever behind a thick curtain of gray clouds, clouds filled to the brim with raindrops, ready to violently cascade down and soak the earth below at any moment.
There is no sense of warmth and I am left to drag myself through time that nearly moves backward, and I feel that no matter how much I fight, I will never see the sun again. I am insecure, I am weak, but most of all, I am anything but happy on these kinds of days.
These kinds of days used to sneak up on me unexpectedly. But with time, it seemed the sun had permanently disappeared.
For a while, I couldn’t figure out why I was having these days. I missed the sun. I missed feeling on top of the world. Instead, I felt like I was on the bottom, suffocating underneath the universe’s iron thumb, forever destined to live my days in perpetual cloudiness.
And the worst part was that I didn’t know how to snap out of it. I couldn’t shake the sadness, the guilt, the hopelessness, the self-deprecation. I couldn’t shake the racing thoughts, the fatigue, the disinterest, the loneliness.
But what scared me the most was that I couldn’t stop thinking, What’s the point?
That’s when I knew I needed help. I needed to know that even though I didn’t feel it anymore, that somewhere inside me, I still had a zest for life. I needed to know that I had a purpose on this earth because somewhere along the path of life, I had lost mine.
Therapy can be a great way to get to the heart of what’s causing you pain. However, it’s not a miracle worker for all. And I quickly discovered that after a few sessions. I wanted a quick fix, and therapy was not going to give me that.
And that made me feel even more discouraged. Would I ever be able to see the sun again? My hope quickly dwindled.
Fine, I thought. Maybe I’m just unfixable. Maybe I just have to pretend. Pretend that I’m fine.
So that’s what I did. I stopped going to therapy and tried to channel what I believed happiness used to feel like. I mustered up the courage to smile, to get up and get dressed every day. To go out and look like I’m living my life.
In fact, I grew so good at pretending I was happy that for a while, I truly believed I was. Life, to me, was good; I was about to jet off to Europe and live my life to the fullest. I saw glimpses of the sun again, and I was happy.
Or so I thought.
You see, the thing about pretending–which I had yet to discover–is that eventually, you have to stop pretending. You can only paint on a smile for so long.
So here I was in Florence, in the most beautiful city on planet Earth, where I should’ve been able to see the sun on the horizon, to see the endless opportunities that lay before me, and yet, my feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and sadness crept back into my life like old friends. Except I didn’t want these friends back in my life. I wanted my other old friends, my old, happy self back.
And that’s when it hit me–other people cannot fix you. When you are broken in a million pieces, your heart and soul shattered at your feet, you are the only one who can put yourself back together. You know yourself better than anyone; you are the only one who can find your happiness again.
After a lot of soul searching, I knew that I was unhappy because I was making myself unhappy. I was the one telling myself I wasn’t good enough. I was the one twisting other’s words into something negative and reflecting it back onto myself. I was the one holding myself back. I was the one putting myself through Hell. I was my own worst enemy.
I decided in that moment of brokenness, looking at all of the beautiful parts of myself scattered across the floor, that my brokenness had brought me clarity. I knew I needed to make a change within myself to find the sunshine again.
From that moment on, I discovered every day a hidden strength that I had long ago lost. And it was all because of a change in my mindset. Rather than thinking, The world is out to get me, I thought, The world is what I make of it.
Since then, my days have grown exponentially sunnier, the heavy, gray clouds rolling farther and farther out of sight. After months of being numb, I can finally feel the warm rays of happiness again–and it feels good.
I genuinely like the person I see reflecting back at me, physically and mentally. And while I may have scars and rough patches from my own rebuilding, I am once again whole. Imperfectly perfect. Happily me.
I just want those of you who have ever felt broken to know that despite the way your mind makes you feel inferior and incapable of anything and everything, despite the sadness and the loneliness and everything in between, you are strong and capable of finding your happiness once again. The strength is within you to make the necessary change in your life. Your strength may be lost, but what is lost can always be found.
And by no means am I perfect. Some days, the clouds still roll in and block my sunshine. But, they say that even on cloudy days, the sun never ceases to shine. I know that now.
Why We Should Face Our Fear of Judgment
Published October 7, 2018
I have an issue with judgment. I hate being judged. I fear it. I fear the gossip, I fear the criticism, and I fear upsetting others. I fear judgment so much that for the last two decades of my life, I have calculated every action, every word, and even every thought so as to try to avoid judgment. Even when I try my hardest to fly below the radar and make everyone happy with my decisions, I can’t seem to escape the judgment.
I have realized three very important lessons as a result of being under the scrutiny of others:
- When I try to make everyone else happy, I make myself miserable in the process.
- This is my life, not someone else’s. I need to make decisions that make me happy first and foremost.
- People are going to judge me no matter what I do or say–I may as well live a kick-ass life anyway.
It’s never easy to start making decisions and choosing things that make you happy. Someone will always be upset with the way you choose to live your own life. Why? I don’t know. But here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: if you’re happy with your life and the decisions you have made, then the people who truly care about you will support you and follow along in your happiness. Those who retaliate probably don’t have your best interest in mind, only their own.
If you’re struggling like I have been with the fear of judgment, remember this: People judge others as a result of insecurities. They like to build themselves up on top of the failures of others, always making sure they are, in some way, “better” than someone else. The reason people gossip, talk trash, and spread lies about others is probably because they have nothing better to do with their lives.
And no, I’m not perfect or innocent. I will own up to my mistakes and say that in the past, I have been this person. We all have. But I’m actively trying to let people live the lives they wish to live, including myself, spread positivity, and surround myself with people who bring out the best in me–not those who bring out the worst.
So here’s to living our best lives free of the fear of judgment. Relish in the fact that you are living life the way you want to live it. Know in your heart that you’re far happier than the people talking about you and judging you. And remember this very important quote:
“Sometimes people will not understand your choices or your journey. They don’t need to. It’s not for them.”
How Your Words Have Lifelong Effects
Published October 1, 2018
When I was younger, I struggled with my weight. I was a little on the chubby side, and definitely bigger than my classmates, but it never really bothered me. I was a happy kid. I loved life, and I even loved myself.
But to this day at 21 years old, I still remember sitting on the bus and watching two boys from my class look back at me and laugh. When they finally caught my eye, one boy said, “Hey, Theresa! You’re fat. ”
Fat. I had never used that word to describe myself before. But watching those two boys say it over and over again to my face, watching my peers laugh at me, I realized that suddenly, my body was not ‘society-approved.’ It was wrong to be fat; it was embarrassing to be fat; it was shameful to be fat.
That night was the first night I went home and cried to my parents because of the way I looked. Mind you, as a child with asthma, I had been on numerous steroids and medications that made me gain weight. I would grow out of the chubby stage one day. But none of that mattered to those two boys who pointed out that my body was considered less than ideal, and ultimately pulled the trigger and shot me into what would become a lifelong struggle with body image.
I’m not sharing this for pity. I’m sharing this because I accepted my body and was happy with how I looked until someone told me that I didn’t look the way society wanted me to look. That I wasn’t the thin ideal. And apparently, not having a flat stomach and a tiny waist was wrong. Even at eight years old.
Isn’t that bothersome? That people can be happy with how they look until someone tells them otherwise? That one comment made as a child can affect someone decades later?
In fact, I chose the featured image on this post specifically for one reason: I have never posted it anywhere because when I looked at it, I thought immediately, I look fat. I picked apart the way my bathing suit bottoms squeezed my stomach and created a little muffin top. I hated the way my stomach appeared rounded. So I decided this picture would never see the light of day.
Until now. Regardless of how I originally perceived this photo, I knew I had to choose this photo for my featured image not only to prove to myself that it was beautiful and that I was beautiful but also to accept the way my body was made and what my body has been through over the last 21 years. To have the courage to put a photo out there that I didn’t consider to be picture perfect. However, at the end of the day, physical beauty should be the least of our worries.
What we need to learn as a society is that being thin is not what’s important; what’s important is our health and our happiness, and most importantly, being kind to one another. I may not have a flat stomach, but I’m healthy. I have days where I hate the way I look, and I envy other girls’ bodies, but I would never make anyone feel ashamed for the way they look just to make myself feel better. We have to make ourselves feel beautiful on our own and together as a society. Let’s stop putting others down for such superficial, trivial things such as physical appearance, and instead, build each other up.
It only takes one comment to affect someone negatively for the rest of their life. Remember that before you speak to someone.
TESS CARCALDI 