Dating Doesn’t Have to Be a Headache, and Here’s Why
Published 22 February, 2019
DISCLAIMER: I am by no means a relationship expert. The relationship I’m in now is the only serious relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m basing this article on what I think, which is based on my experience. Obviously, everyone has a different experience. But, this is my blog, and therefore, I can write what I want. So to my fans, enjoy. To my haters, I don’t care what you think. 🙂
Every Wednesday, I listen to a podcast about millennial life. I typically enjoy each episode because they each have to do with how to save money and budget, or how to stay fit after college–things like that. Of course, dating comes up quite a bit because that’s what young people do–they date. And that’s exactly what this episode was about: dating with phones. While this definitely doesn’t apply to me as I have a loving boyfriend who I adore (shoutout to James), I figured I’d listen anyway just so I had something to listen to while I was getting ready this morning.
By the end, I had a MASSIVE headache.
OK, that’s an exaggeration, but oh my God! Listening to that podcast episode makes me thankful I already have a boyfriend because according to this podcast, dating is a total nightmare. The podcasters went through so many different rules that seemed so ridiculous, and yet, people truly seem to abide by them. Here are a few of those rules:
- After meeting someone either at a bar or on an app, you have to text for four days to a week before asking them to grab a drink or dinner with you. This is to see if they are truly interesting enough to take on a date. Because text messages really show someone’s personality *major eye roll*
- If you’re not feeling it over text message, just ghost them! Aka, completely ignore every message they send and never speak to them again without any explanation. Because that’s kind! Even better–leave them on read!
- If you like them, you can’t ask for their social media, especially not too soon. You have to sort of ease into it by showing them a picture on your Instagram, and then see if they’re curious enough to follow you.
- NO. DOUBLE. TEXTING. BIG red flag.
- You can’t message on different social media apps at the same time. You have to pick one or else it’s weird. So, if you’re on Snapchat because they sent you something on Snap and then the conversation goes from that Snapchat to something else, then you have to stay on Snapchat. Cuz, like, it’s weird if you switch, I guess.
- Also, Snapchat chats are a total sign of less commitment because the chats disappear. Even though there is an option to save them. But.
- You can’t text someone asking about their day because you have to save that for when you see them in person so you have something to talk about. ‘Cuz you know, there are no other topics to talk about.
- Playing hard-to-get is a must. God forbid we just let the other person know we like them.
- If you haven’t spoken in a while, don’t text them. Instead, go stalk their Instagram and like an old photo to see if they will notice you. Makes sense!
- Also, tagging each other in memes on Instagram is way superior to texting because Instagram comments are public, so then the whole world will know you two are talking. How intimate.
These are just ten of the absolutely ridiculous rules for dating in this day and age. I understand we are in an age of technology that adds in a whole new ballgame to more traditional ways of dating, like meeting someone while running errands or at the bar and then going on dates. But with all these rules, it seems like dating has become more of a stressor than anything. Having to constantly worry about whether or not you sent a text too soon or double texted or Instagrammed at the right time of day so they would see it seems more of a hassle than something that should be enjoyable. And to be quite frank, worrying about things like that is sort of meaningless and stupid. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In fact, I think if anything, SO many opportunities are missed because two people never moved passed the “texting” stage because someone didn’t seem interesting over personality-less, typed words, or someone was scared to make the first move and ask the other person to actually hang out. How can you truly tell if you like someone based on a few texts they have sent you? Hanging out with that person in reality is the true teller.
Now, as many of you know, I am in a LDR, so obviously technology is an important part of my relationship because when we are apart, we are able to communicate with each other. I completely understand the importance of technology nowadays in the dating scene. HOWEVER, our relationship truly flourished in those moments spent together in reality, with technology aiding the process. James and I would both agree on this. So, I’m not saying relationships can’t be built from the internet because they are every day with travel experiences (as in my case) or dating apps, which also have a lot of success stories. I’m just saying that relationships need to move past that “phone stage” in order to truly grow. So don’t come for me, haters.
Plus, with all these rules, how authentic can you be? Why hide behind all these ridiculous rules when you could just simply be yourself? At the end of the day, it’s great if the person thinks you’re a good texter, but how far can being a good texter (whatever that means) get you? Your personality is what matters, and if you’re hiding it by following all these stupid rules and pretending you’re not that into them to play by the rules of this silly game, they’ll never know the real you OR your interest level. If they know the real you, and you’ve shown them that and have been honest with the way you feel and what you’re looking for, at least you’ll know whether they like you or not for who you truly are and not based on these ridiculous rules.
So, my friends, be bold! Send a nice message asking about their day, or just send a message in general if it’s been a while since you’ve spoken. Hell, ask the person out on a date for crying out loud! Follow them on Instagram, talk on different social media platforms, send a million text messages in a row because you can. Want to know why you should do this? Because all this phone stuff is pretty much meaningless and is NOT the basis of a relationship. Who you both are as people in reality is the basis. So screw the phone rules and do you, boo. Dating shouldn’t have rules–it’s meant to be fun and exciting. So, the moral of the story is this: don’t let dating give you a headache or make you feel like you have to abide by any rules. Dating doesn’t have rules. The only rule (as corny as this sounds) is to just be yourself (online and especially in person) and the right people and relationships will come to you.
Thanks for listening to my Tess Talk. *pun intended*
Why I’m Grateful For My Long-Distance Relationship
Published December 18, 2018
Society expects you to grow up, find a local significant other, fall in love, and get married. What society doesn’t expect you to do is travel abroad, fall in love, and enter into a serious, international, long-distance relationship.
Oops.
Long-distance relationships are considered extremely unconventional, even in today’s day and age where we have an incredible amount of technology that makes your significant other feel like they’re with you (to some extent). People always claim, “They never work,” or “It’s too hard to make it work.”
Well, I’m here to say that they do. In fact, just a few weeks ago, I just celebrated one year with my Australian boyfriend who I met while studying abroad in Europe. I am a firm believer in fate, and my heart knew I wanted to be with him from the moment I met him. Call me cheesy, but it’s true.
Is it ideal that we are from literal opposite sides of the world? No, of course not. If I could have him here with me every day instead of for a few weeks every few months, I would.
But we knew what we were getting ourselves into when we continued talking every day and seeing each other when we could after we had met. We knew being together (literally and figuratively) would take a lot of patience, a lot of trust, and a lot of sacrifice. But from the moment we met, we both felt an instant connection, one we both had never felt before, and it felt like our souls and energies just vibed together as one. Again, call me cheesy or cliché, but it’s true.
We knew this wasn’t something we wanted to pass on just because we were from different countries. Sometimes the stars align in funny ways, and it may not make sense to other people, but it made sense to us. So we took a risk, went heart first into our relationship, and it ended up being one of the best years of my life for many reasons.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship like me, you’re probably familiar with the way people react to you telling them that this is your life. I’ve gotten, “Oh, I could never do that,” “Those never work out,” and even (my personal favorite), “You’re crazy! What would your mother say?!” (For the record, my mother supported this from the beginning because she trusted my good judgment, and now I would argue she loves my boyfriend more than me.)
When people react this way to someone you love and to someone you know is both a great match for you and an overall good-hearted person, it makes you feel down. It makes your relationship even harder because you begin to overthink and then your mind floods with doubts.
I’m here to tell you this: you are the only person who knows what is good for you. Other people will try to tell you that something is bad for you when they really just don’t like what you’re doing because it doesn’t suit their needs. Newsflash: your needs matter too. And if something feels right in your heart, it probably is.
As hard as it may be, tune out the naysayers. Tune out the logic. Sure, dating someone from your own country is probably more logical, but why settle for easy and convenient when you know in your heart if you say yes to this risk, it will give you an amazing experience? At the end of the day, I want to live with no regrets. A life with no regrets its a life worth living. No matter what happens, I know I will forever be grateful for my long-distance relationship for the way it has opened my eyes to saying yes to adventure, yes to taking risks, and yes to loving with my heart over my head.
TESS CARCALDI 