TESS CARCALDI

DISCLAIMER: I am by no means a relationship expert. The relationship I’m in now is the only serious relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m basing this article on what I think, which is based on my experience. Obviously, everyone has a different experience. But, this is my blog, and therefore, I can write what I want. So to my fans, enjoy. To my haters, I don’t care what you think. 🙂

Every Wednesday, I listen to a podcast about millennial life. I typically enjoy each episode because they each have to do with how to save money and budget, or how to stay fit after college–things like that. Of course, dating comes up quite a bit because that’s what young people do–they date. And that’s exactly what this episode was about: dating with phones. While this definitely doesn’t apply to me as I have a loving boyfriend who I adore (shoutout to James), I figured I’d listen anyway just so I had something to listen to while I was getting ready this morning.

By the end, I had a MASSIVE headache.

OK, that’s an exaggeration, but oh my God! Listening to that podcast episode makes me thankful I already have a boyfriend because according to this podcast, dating is a total nightmare. The podcasters went through so many different rules that seemed so ridiculous, and yet, people truly seem to abide by them. Here are a few of those rules:

1. After meeting someone either at a bar or on an app, you have to text for four days to a week before asking them to grab a drink or dinner with you. This is to see if they are truly interesting enough to take on a date. Because text messages really show someone’s personality *major eye roll*
2. If you’re not feeling it over text message, just ghost them! Aka, completely ignore every message they send and never speak to them again without any explanation. Because that’s kind! Even better–leave them on read!
3. If you like them, you can’t ask for their social media, especially not too soon. You have to sort of ease into it by showing them a picture on your Instagram, and then see if they’re curious enough to follow you.
4. NO. DOUBLE. TEXTING. BIG red flag.
5. You can’t message on different social media apps at the same time. You have to pick one or else it’s weird. So, if you’re on Snapchat because they sent you something on Snap and then the conversation goes from that Snapchat to something else, then you have to stay on Snapchat. Cuz, like, it’s weird if you switch, I guess.
6. Also, Snapchat chats are a total sign of less commitment because the chats disappear. Even though there is an option to save them. But.
7. You can’t text someone asking about their day because you have to save that for when you see them in person so you have something to talk about. ‘Cuz you know, there are no other topics to talk about.
8. Playing hard-to-get is a must. God forbid we just let the other person know we like them.
9. If you haven’t spoken in a while, don’t text them. Instead, go stalk their Instagram and like an old photo to see if they will notice you. Makes sense!
10. Also, tagging each other in memes on Instagram is way superior to texting because Instagram comments are public, so then the whole world will know you two are talking. How intimate.

These are just ten of the absolutely ridiculous rules for dating in this day and age. I understand we are in an age of technology that adds in a whole new ballgame to more traditional ways of dating, like meeting someone while running errands or at the bar and then going on dates. But with all these rules, it seems like dating has become more of a stressor than anything. Having to constantly worry about whether or not you sent a text too soon or double texted or Instagrammed at the right time of day so they would see it seems more of a hassle than something that should be enjoyable. And to be quite frank, worrying about things like that is sort of meaningless and stupid. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, quite honestly, someone who is truly interested in you won’t get annoyed by how often you text them. In fact, they’ll look forward to every single one of your texts AND respond as soon as they have a free moment. Just sayin’.

I think if anything, SO many opportunities are missed because two people never moved passed the “texting” stage because someone didn’t seem interesting over personality-less, typed words, or someone was scared to make the first move and ask the other person to actually hang out. How can you truly tell if you like someone based on a few texts they have sent you? Hanging out with that person in reality is the true teller.

Now, as many of you know, I am in a LDR, so obviously technology is an important part of my relationship because when we are apart, we are able to communicate with each other. I completely understand the importance of technology nowadays in the dating scene. HOWEVER, our relationship truly flourished in those moments spent together in reality, with technology aiding the process. James and I would both agree on this. So, I’m not saying relationships can’t be built from the internet because they are every day with travel experiences (as in my case) or dating apps, which also have a lot of success stories. I’m just saying that relationships need to move past that “phone stage” in order to truly grow. So don’t come for me, haters.

Plus, with all these rules, how authentic can you be? Why hide behind all these ridiculous rules when you could just simply be yourself? At the end of the day, it’s great if the person thinks you’re a good texter, but how far can being a good texter (whatever that means) get you? Your personality is what matters, and if you’re hiding it by following all these stupid rules and pretending you’re not that into them to play by the rules of this silly game, they’ll never know the real you OR your interest level. If they know the real you, and you’ve shown them that and have been honest with the way you feel and what you’re looking for, at least you’ll know whether they like you or not for who you truly are and not based on these ridiculous rules.

So, my friends, be bold! Send a nice message asking about their day, or just send a message in general if it’s been a while since you’ve spoken. Hell, ask the person out on a date for crying out loud! Follow them on Instagram, talk on different social media platforms, send a million text messages in a row because you can. Want to know why you should do this? Because all this phone stuff is pretty much meaningless and is NOT the basis of a relationship. Who you both are as people in reality is the basis. So screw the phone rules and do you, boo. Dating shouldn’t have rules–it’s meant to be fun and exciting. So, the moral of the story is this: don’t let dating give you a headache or make you feel like you have to abide by any rules. Dating doesn’t have rules. The only rule (as corny as this sounds) is to just be yourself (online and especially in person) and the right people and relationships will come to you.

Thanks for listening to my Tess Talk. *pun intended*