TESS CARCALDI

As many of you know, I graduated in May 2019 with a BA in English writing and literature, and one week later I started my first “big girl” job (as my mom calls it) in the publishing industry, which was my goal ever since I declared my major at the end of my freshman year.

As you also probably know from my blog posts, adjusting to the real world has been a #struggle. Adulthood is a completely different experience from school, and the switch from being a student to an adult is jarring. Also, I’m not a fan of the bills that come along with adulthood…just sayin’.

Anyway, something that has weighed heavily on me these past eight months or so are mistakes that I’ve made at work. Anyone who knows me knows I am that Type-A perfectionist who excelled in school–it was my thing. I am also the type of person who will make one small mistake and spend the rest of eternity ruminating on how I made it, how people might think lowly of me now, and how I will probably be fired or hated forever. Basically, making mistakes sends me into a downward spiral of anxiety. And in school, I didn’t really have to worry about making mistakes because it was my thing. But, that all changed when I started my job and had to experience something completely foreign to me.

The thing is, I am going to make more mistakes than someone who has worked in my office for twenty years. It’s my first job and I have a lot to learn. And that’s OK! My boss understands this, but for some reason, it really bugs the crap out of me.

I think as humans we all carry a sense of pride–some more than others. And when we make mistakes, especially mistakes that may affect others we surround ourselves with, we feel a little blow to our pride and confidence in our abilities. We feel guilty for inconveniencing others, and for some, this is a huge trigger for an anxiety spiral, like me. It sends me into this tailspin where I think of all the potential bad outcomes that could happen as a result of my mistake, even though the rational part of me knows that as long as I own up to my mistake and try to fix it if possible, everything will be OK.

Take the other day, for example. My job takes a lot of attention to detail. I’m helping to publish myriad content for various clients, and lately, I’ve been taking on more responsibilities, which is great because I get more experience. But I received an email and was notified that I had missed a detail that actually needed fixing.

I immediately felt horrible. Thoughts like You’ve been here for eight months and you’re still making mistakes?! and I bet they think I’m stupid and incapable of doing the job now started to fill my head. I immediately apologized to the editor I was working with and told them I would work with the author to fix it.

I was starting to fall further and further into the dreadful anxiety tailspin when suddenly, a new email from the editor popped into my inbox that changed everything:

“Don’t fret, Theresa–we all miss things!”

Mind you, this is coming from a woman with years and years of experience. I immediately felt a weight come off my shoulders and I was able to pull myself out of that dangerous spiral.

The truth is, we all make mistakes at work, at home, and in life–even people who have been working and living longer than I have. At the end of the day, we are all human. We naturally make mistakes–we aren’t robots, after all.

And what I want to start viewing my mistakes as are learning experiences. Yes, I made a mistake, but now I have learned how that mistake feels and how to fix that mistake and how to go about it better next time. Making mistakes, though they feel shitty in the moment, help us to learn and better ourselves. That is literally the only effective way to learn. And while it sucks, it is worth it in the end.

So, if you’re like me and making mistakes sends you into an anxiety spiral, just remember to follow these steps:

1. Take a deep breath. Don’t fall into that spiral because it will make you even less productive.
2. Own your mistake. Acknowledge you have made the mistake.
3. Apologize. Don’t go overboard, especially in a professional setting. But let others who your mistake affects know that you are sincerely sorry for making the mistake.
4. Fix it if you can. Learn from what they say and see how you can fix the mistake.
5. And if you can’t fix it, take it as a learning experience for what to do next time this happens. In my case, I will make sure to double-check what I missed last time.
6. Then, leave all those crappy feelings in the past and move on with your day. Chances are, the other person isn’t wasting their day thinking about you and the little mistake you made. So give yourself some grace and move on.

Learn to forgive yourselves, fellow perfectionists. No one is perfect.